Sunday, July 3, 2011

Evil Memory Lapse Script

Evil Memory Lapse, by BYU's Divine Comedy
*Yes, I did all of this from sight/hearing, which took a while. :P I just really, REALLY enjoy their videos, so I put this one into script form. Be prepared for another.)

Whitney: Freeze! CIA! Hands where I can see 'em!
Guard Person: *ninja cry* Aaaaaahhhhh—
(She shoots him with a flick of her gun, and he collapses. Whitney steps over his body as Matt enters.)
Matt: (talking to his minion) And then we will plan the assassination of—Ohhh. (Surprised, raises his hands as Whitney points the gun at him.)
Whitney: Seems I've finally caught up with you.
Matt: It would seem...we meet again!
Whitney: For the last time, it seems.
Matt:...Seemingly. (To minion) I have no idea who this person is. Would you look into it and get back to me quickly? Chop chop! (Minion skitters away) (Turns back to Whitney.) SO....
Whitney: You know why I'm here!
Matt: Of course I do. You're here for....
Whitney: The money.
Matt: (overlapping after her) The money. You're here for the money! And I have it!...Here!
Whitney: (Confused, her words clipped) I thought you had it in a Swiss bank account.
Matt: Ah—it is, was...untilll I made it not, that way.
Whitney: So! (Walking towards him) Yet another surprising and diabolical twist from the evil mastermind! You've outdone yourself this time, Dr. Murdock!
Matt: Yes, it seems I've pulled the wool over your eyes yet again, Ms. Eh*COUGH*
Whitney: Well, no matter. I have the upper hand this time! So long as I possess—THIS! *whips out a tiki-ish figure about the length of a forearm.)
Matt: (Whips around dramatically, then stares blankly at the object.) Ahhhhhhh. (awkwardly) Yes...you know, I'm not even sure I want that.
Whitney: Don't play the fool, doctor! Do you realize how many people you've killed in your efforts to obtain this?!
Matt: Well, it's not like I keep a running tally. Fiiii—
Whitney: TEN THOUSAND!
Matt: That is more than five!
Whitney: How many more lives must you ruin before you come to reason?!
(Pause, Matt staring at Whitney)
Matt: Tell me, have you undergone some type of plastic surgery recently?...Acid thrown on your face?...
Whitney:....Do you honestly not recognize me?
Matt: Well, I have a poor memory for faces!...And you...(Sits down, ponderous, on the crumpled figure of the guard without thinking like he's a chair)
Whitney: We've been arch-foes for nearly seventeen years!
Matt: Really!
Whitney: You killed my father!
Matt: On purpose, or like I accidentally backed my car over him?
Whitney:...You strapped a bomb to his chest!
Matt: (Thinking) That does sound like me!
Whitney: So you have no idea why I'm here?
Matt: Well, I've put a few things together! (Stands up, looks at the body in mild surprise, then looks back to her again.) Youuu want some money, and I apparently want that...tiki-man.
Whitney: I'm not giving him to you now!
Matt: What! No! I don't know why, but I want it.
Whitney: No! It's insulting how many lives you've ruined, and you don't even have the decency to remember why!
Matt: I do feel like an idiot for that...
Whitney: (Emotional) And to think I used to love you...
Matt: (He freezes) Wait, back up a moment. What?
Whitney: (Sniffing) We used to have something special.
Matt: Why did it end?...Was it because of your current haircut? (Long pause of hoots and applause from the audience, when she just gives him the look.).................That one was out of line.
Whitney: That's it. I'm going to destroy it.
Matt: No, madame, please! Be reasonable. I'm willing to negotiate.
Whitney: Fine. Give me...tell me my name and it's yours.
Matt: .......(barely audible)Cythhhhhhhnoooo(mumble) Mayyyyy(mumble) Reeeeeehhhhhhh, Jeh-mimaaaaa.
(Long pause) + (Long pause) + (LONG pause with staring...)
Whitney: Dang it! (Passes over tiki-statue.)
Matt: (Minion returns) Ah, Gregory, the situation is well in hand, no thanks to you. Here, see if we can use this for...something evil...
Whitney: (Formally) It's good to see you again, Gregory.
Gregory: Uh, I'm sorry—do I know you?
Whitney: (Glare) I am your MOTHER!
Matt:...This makes me feel better about myself.
(Lights go out, end)

Andddd, ladies and gentlemen, here is the link...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CJnvFLdZbg




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